He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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