My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
