I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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