Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize