I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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