I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Alive.
So much puke
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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