I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
