Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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