you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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