We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
