my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
