I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
