The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
