Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm always down for nudity.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
