living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
