Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
