Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
