it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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