the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
