he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
