i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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