it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
