Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
