im having a threesome with these popsicles
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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