Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
