I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
