When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
