Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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