So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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