i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
