I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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