they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
