hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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