My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize