You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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