I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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