he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
