OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
