i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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