Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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