I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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