She is in my trunk
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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