Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize