Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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