Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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