hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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