I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
