Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
They took my balls.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
