And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
