Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
