so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
