When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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