you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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