please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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