Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
