So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Be still, my beating vagina.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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