I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
