I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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