If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
