I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm at about main and main street
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
