never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
