nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there's paper in my vomit.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
