Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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