My friends, they love my intelligence
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
