Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
that is very illegal...i love you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
