Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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