I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
