is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
