He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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