not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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