I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
