So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
