So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
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Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
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Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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