So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
