im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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