i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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