just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
