it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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