So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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