So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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