I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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