I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
