Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
