I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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