If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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