I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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