I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
