i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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