It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dear god my vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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