I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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